Too Close For Comfort
by corruptedPOV
Summary: Another little thing based on my fic, Nowhere Left To Run, though can be seen as a standalone one shot too, slightly based on stuff from Unsaid Things. Tom's acting weirdly, and Danny is trying to figure out why. Slight Flones, but angsty, 1st of 3 parts.
1. Chapter 1

"Tom will you please talk to me? You're acting weird, and I didn't understand why you are!" I pleaded, trying to concentrate on driving us home while trying to talk to Tom at the same time. To say he was acting off was an understatement, he was acting like he wasn't even himself. He was barely talking, barely eating, barely even leaving his room, except when we needed him to come out and do band stuff. "I'm fine Danny, quit asking me whats wrong, nothing is wrong." Tom growled, defensive to everything I said. "you're not okay, there _is _something wrong! You barely talk, you barely eat, you're not yourself, whats wrong?" I looked at him out the corner of my eye, seeing him curl up into a ball on the seat next to me, looking so... _broken, _he really wasn't himself right now.

"I just said there's nothing wrong! Will you stop asking me whats wrong?! There's _nothing _wrong with me! Leave me the hell alone!" Tom nearly shouted, louder than I'd ever heard him shout before. "you're not! Please Tom, just tell me. Are you stressed out cause of the new album? Cause we're all stressed out cause we're never in one spot for more than two minutes. Its okay to be stressed out over it." I started guessing. "its not the album." Tom mumbled, but didn't say anything else. "well then what? Is it what all the press are saying about you? Cause you're not fat or anything mate, they're being lying assholes." I asked, thinking desperately of what else could possibly be wrong with Tom right now.

"stop trying to guess whats wrong with me Danny! Its none of your bloody business!" Tom hissed, well _that _struck a nerve. "as your band mate and best friend, I think it is. Is what the press are saying about you getting to you?" I stood my ground. "no! Nothing is getting to me! I'm not stressed or whatever crap you think is wrong with me! I'm _fine _get that into your head!" Tom shouted again, only making me more worried about him. He really wasn't okay right now. He was so unlike himself, so _angry, _so defensive everything I said to him. Tom had always kept his emotions to himself, and hadn't ever been keen on talking about himself. He'd always been on guard with himself, protecting himself from ridicule, but this was extreme. Over the past couple of years he'd loosened up around me, Harry and Dougie, let himself be who he was without covering up. But now, now he wasn't himself at all, he was even more guarded, he literally was not able to even have a conversation with us unless we were on camera. While on camera, Tom was his usual self, but as soon as we were alone he was so defensive and angry, I didn't understand how that happened. I just wanted to _understand. _

"Tom come on, you're not yourself, we all know it, whats going on with you? Is it because of the press and the album?" I wracked my brain for another reason, remembering something Carrie had mentioned a few weeks ago when she'd been round, "is it because your parents are splitting up? Cause its tough, I know. I've been there myself, I'm going through the same thing now. It hurts like hell, and none of us will blame you for stressing out over that, me and Dougie have been there with it." Carrie had said that their parents were getting divorced, she hadn't said why, but she had said that they were getting divorced and Tom was taking it hard.

"who the hell told you about that?!" Tom hissed, and I realised that he hadn't actually told us about this. None of us were supposed to know. "Carrie was talking about it the other day. Sorry if you wanted to keep it a secret, but you can talk about it if you need to. Doug has been there, I'm going through the same thing right now, its horrible, and so confusing, hearing about whats going on and not being able to stop it or help at all. But we're all here for you if you need to talk about it, we're probably quite well qualified to talk about it really." I glanced over at him, seeing tears well up in his eyes. "you have no idea how hard this is, no _clue, _don't try to tell me you understand the feeling of knowing you broke up your parents." Tom growled out again through clenched teeth... he what? "you didn't cause your parents to break up Tom, why'd you think that?" I was finally getting somewhere, Tom was blaming himself for it, but _why? _

Tom refused to answer me after that, holing himself up and refusing to talk about it. "Tom you didn't cause it, they caused it, you've been a perfect son to them, its not your fault. You have to know that. How could you possibly think that you caused it?" I pushed him and pushed him, getting nowhere. "please Tom, tell me. Its _me, _you can talk to me, why are you blaming yourself? Is it because of what the press are saying? Cause like I said earlier, they're being lying assholes, and no matter how 'fat' you get, they wouldn't divorce over it." I tried, putting air commas around 'fat' because Tom was not fat in any way, he was chubby, yes. But I always saw it as him having more to hug and love.

"shut up! Just shut up! Stop trying to understand me. Stop invading on me! Just quit it!" Tom shouted, the tears falling rapidly down his face. "Tom no you're hurting, I hate to see you hurting like this. Tell me whats going on." I pleaded, pulling over so I could turn to him and give him my full attention, "why do you feel like its your fault your parents got divorced?" I asked as calmly as I could, putting my hand on his leg, trying to trace patterns over it. "get off me! It doesn't matter, just leave me alone!" Tom pulled back, shoving me out of the way and rushing out of the car. "it does matter! You're in pain, and that matters! Talk to me Tom, I care about you." Oh if only he knew how much I cared about him. I was so in love with him it physically hurt me to see him like this, and to think he was blaming himself for what his parents were doing, it was _torture, _seeing how badly it was effecting him. He didn't even want to show his face anymore, out of guilt, he couldn't even look at anyone anymore.

"shut up Danny! Leave me alone okay? Leave me alone!" Tom shoved me away again as I came close. "Tom please, you're in pain, talk to me, let it out. Get back in the car with me and we'll talk about this, just the two of us, I promise to not tell anyone else." I tried again, holding onto his arm to gently pull him towards the car again. "no! I'm not talking about it! Stop trying to get into my private life! I'm fine, I don't want to talk about it with anyone!" Tom pushed my away again, looking like he was in so much pain, it physically hurt me to see it. "but Tom-" I got cut off before I could finish my sentence.

"no, stop talking to me! I'm not talking about this crap to anyone, its my problems and my problems only! Leave me alone! I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to be hugged and told it'll get better or anything! I want to be alone!" Tom cried, his whole body shaking madly. "okay, okay I'll let it go. Just get back in the car, I'll drive you home and you can be alone, if thats what you want." I gave in to his shouting, promising myself I'd try again at a later date, after talking to Carrie again, so I could get a better idea of what was going on with their parents. "no, I'm walking home, I want to be alone." Tom turned away, stumbling a few steps before I caught him again. He was weaker than I thought. "Tom, you're weak, let me drive you home before you collapse." I whispered, hating how weak he was, how pale his skin was, and just how lifeless his eyes were at the moment.

"I'm not weak! Don't you dare call me weak! I'm stronger than you, and most importantly, I'm fine. I just want to be alone, now drive home and let me walk!" Tom shoved me away again, anger flashing in his eyes before he ran off. I let him, thinking it would be better if I let him run off, give him his alone time, so he could cool off. But not forever, we were talking about this, at some point, we were talking about this. I refused to let him get away with being like this, I cared too much for him.

But every time I tried, I got pushed away, we all did, none of us could get Tom to even _look _at us, let alone get him talking about anything. He now only left his room when we had band stuff, and he didn't talk to us on our journeys, barely even smiling on camera anymore. And then one day, there were boxes by the front door in the morning. Boxes filled with Tom's stuff, and he was loading them into his car.

"Tom, what are you doing? Where are you going?" I stopped him in the doorway, grabbing him to look at me. "I'm leaving, what does it look like I'm doing?" Tom shoved me off him for the 100th time. "what? Leaving where? Where are you going? You're not leaving the band, are you?" I paled at the thought, this band was our lives, we were making it, we had just gotten our second number one album, he couldn't be quitting now, could he? Not when we'd worked so hard, promised to never quit. "I'm not leaving the band, no. I just need space. I need to breathe, I'm moving out." Tom explained, picking up the last box, packing it away in his car. "Tom please, think about this. You're making a mistake." I pleaded with him, wanting to cry. I didn't want Tom to leave, I wanted Tom right here with us, I didn't want him to leave, not when we could help him. I was sure we could help him, if he just let us, we could fix this.

"I'm not. I need my own space. I need to be by myself for a while, and I need to look after Carrie now. I need to move out, I'm sorry, I need this." Tom explained, saying he was sorry for his behaviour for the first time in a long time. "please Tom, think about this. This isn't right, you're not thinking straight. Why do you need to look after Carrie, why do you need your own space? Talk to me." I repeated myself again, having had similar conversations for weeks on end with him every time he left his room. "it doesn't matter, I'm making things right, just leave me be now Danny. I need to get out of here, so I'm leaving. Bye Danny." Tom got in his car and drove off, I ran to the end of the drive way, watching his car drive away from the house we'd shared for three years, feeling so powerless as to what to do to help him out.


	2. Convince Me

**Partygirlgrace - oh i didn't mean to make you cry! :( *hands tissue***

**Galaxydefender49 - thanks! all will be revealed soon!**

**authors note: i know the beginning of this starts the same way a flashback in Nowhere Left To Run did, its because the rest of this carries on from that flashback! :)**

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"Tom! Will you listen to me? You can't avoid me forever!" I shouted, managing to corner Tom ironically in the kitchen, squashing him between the counter and my own body. "Danny get off me! Let me go!" Tom growled, weakly trying to shove me off him, but he was too weak to manage anything. "no! Listen to me right now. What your doing isn't at all healthy, you have to eat, you'll die if you don't!" I argued, pushing him harder so he stayed put. "Danny, I don't care, it doesn't matter." Tom looked away, leaning far away from me. He tried to lift himself onto the counter, but I grabbed hold of his hip, holding back a shudder at how easy it was to feel his bone.

"it does Tommy, it does. I think you have an eating disorder or something, and it scaring the hell out of me, okay? You can't carry on like this, your skin and bone already." Okay that was a slight exaggeration, but I was willing to try any tactic to get Tom to believe me. "I do not have an eating disorder! I'm fine, okay? I'm just losing a bit of weight, why is that such a problem, aren't I allowed to try and do something so I feel good about myself?!" Tom countered, getting angrier at me. It hurt to see him so defensive about this, he shouldn't be like this, ever. Sure, Tom didn't deserve to be jeered at constantly because of his weight (to me, he looks adorable, he would never hear that though), but he shouldn't be going to these lengths. "of course you are, but you can't do this! This isn't losing weight, this is killing yourself. When was the last time you actually ate something, huh? Cause I certainly haven't seen you eat something in at least 3 months!" I honestly couldn't remember seeing Tom eat one thing for months, it was terrifying.

"I ate a muffin last night, check the bin if you don't believe me." Tom glared, and stupidly, I went to check, leaving him to run away again and into the garden, then further into the field behind that. "sh*t, Tom come back here!" I bolted off after him, easily gaining on him. I tackled him the minute I could, pinning him face first into the grass, his wrists caught in my grasp. "Danny! Get the f*ck off me!" Tom cried out, writhing about, only for me to clamp down harder on him. "no, this is the only way I can get you to listen to me, and I'm not letting you go until you have heard me out. This is dangerous, you are scaring everyone. You just need to stop right now!" I whimpered, hating that I was having to do this to my best friend, the one I secretly loved so much, I would die for this man.

"of course its dangerous, I can't f*cking breathe!" Tom ignored me again, making me want to slap him, hard. "Thomas Michael Fletcher you stubborn, annoying, little...god, you annoy me sometimes! Will you just listen to me, so I can save your s*dding life?! I f*cking love you and I don't want to let you go, and at the moment, your making me lose you! I never want to lose you, and I will lose you if you don't stop with this whole eating problem you have right now!" I swore, then realised what I had just said, paling. "what? Danny did you just say you love me?!" Tom stopped struggling, trying to look at me. "y-yeah I did." I whispered, expecting Tom to use my relaxed grip to chuck me off and never talk to me again. "did you mean it?" Tom asked nervously, biting his lip. "I, er, yeah. I kinda love you Tom, more than just a friend." I finally admitted, looking away nervously, waiting to be shouted at. But I didn't, instead, Tom managed to turn us round and pin me underneath him, kissing me so gently and perfectly I almost cried. "I like you too Danny." Tom smiled, letting me pull him down again for another kiss. "you don't know how long I've waiting to hear that. Now, will you believe me?" I tried not to ruin the moment. "I'll try, for you." Tom kissed me again, and I grinned.

Both of us didn't move for what felt like hours, Tom still sitting on top of me, smiling slightly as my heart pounded madly inside my chest. I felt so happy, knowing that Tom returned the feelings I'd been hiding for years now, and he was going to try to eat for me. He had been so ill recently, hiding away in his house by himself, refusing to eat with us, or at home it seemed. But he was going to try _for me, _because he _liked me too, _he had just _kissed _me. I couldn't help but feel so happy, to know my feelings were returned, after all these years, Tom liked me too.

But, suddenly, Tom's face started to fall, the small smile disappearing complete and any ounce of happiness leaving him again. "I, er, I'm sorry, I can't... I shouldn't have said that, I'm sorry." Tom scrambled off me, stumbling into a run back to his house. "what? Tom wait up! Whats going on?" I jumped up, chasing after him back to his house, just about catching him before he slammed the back door in my face. "Tom, talk to me, what are you sorry for? What shouldn't have you have said?" I grabbed his arm, yanking him to look at me, wishing I didn't have to be this rough with him.

"I-I, I shouldn't have... I'm sorry, I'm sorry I shouldn't have said anything about liking you. I shouldn't put you in that position of knowing, you don't have to do anything, you know? You don't have to tell me you like me too, just to please me. I'm fine, you don't need to say anything about this. We can just forget all of it and continue like normal, and pretend I didn't say anything." Tom rambled, unable to even look at me as he said it, tugging uselessly at my hand, trying to make me let him go. "what? Why would I do that when I feel the same way? Tom why are you saying all of this? You weren't lying when you said you liked me too, right?" I felt my heart and stomach drop through the floor at the thought. He'd said he liked me though, he said he liked me, and he'd kissed me twice, and looked so happy up on that hill.

- Tom's POV

"yeah, no, I, I, maybe. No, no. I like you, but as a friend, nothing more." I whispered, at a complete loss on what to say. "Tom, speak clearly, give me a proper answer." Danny tightened his grip on my arm, so much it was almost painful. I welcomed it, I liked the pain, and I mean I _really _liked it. It calmed me down a bit, made me feel better about all of this. I had screwed up so badly, so, so badly. I screwed up and told him how I really felt about him, I shouldn't have done that, I shouldn't have made him feel obligated to tell me he liked me too. It was a stupid mistake, such a stupid mistake to make. Now I could just tell Danny wasn't going to let it go, he was going to pretend he loved me too so I didn't feel rejected, he knew I'd been rejected so many times before, he'd never reject me too. He was far too nice to, and even if I managed to get him to not pretend for me, he was always going to remember those words. He would _always _remember that I was in love with him, and he'd probably tell Harry and Dougie and they'd all feel sorry for me and treat me differently. I didn't want special treatment, I didn't want anyone to know, I didn't want to be rejected again, _why _did I admit to my feelings?! _Cause you're a moron, thats why. _

"leave it Danny, please, just leave it." I begged him, wishing I could rewind time and stop him from ever hearing what I just said. I didn't want him to remember any of it. I'd also promised to try and eat for him, and I didn't want to do that either. I didn't want to eat, I didn't want to be seen as pathetic, and I _really _didn't want to feel like an obligation to anyone. "no I won't leave it. Tom I saw you up there, you were happy when I said I loved you too, I _saw _it." Danny insisted, pulling me to look at him, but I couldn't look at his face. He had such an innocent and sweet face, I simply couldn't lie to him. I had never been able to lie to his face, not properly. It was his eyes, those beautiful ocean eyes, holding so much happiness and innocence, I couldn't lie to him.

"Tom look at me, please. Look at me." Danny pulled my face round to look at him, but I couldn't make eye contact. The minute I looked into those eyes, I was going to melt into a puddle of goop and spill everything. I didn't want to spill everything, ever. _You can't spill everything. You'll ruin everything that way. You've ruined your parents lives already, don't ruin another life by making him pretend to love you. _"n-no." I pulled my face away from him, trying to pull away. If I could just get free for a _second _I could run into the house where it was safer. I could lock all the doors and windows, turn off my phone and ignore everything for a while. Harry and Dougie were on holiday, Danny was flying off tomorrow, that was enough time for Danny to calm down and mostly forget about this, right?!

"Tom, come on. Its me, you can tell me anything. And you don't have to lie about how you feel, if you feel the same way, which I think you do, then thats great. We can be together, or do whatever you want us to do. But if you don't, then we can go back to being friends, it'll hurt for a bit, but I'll move on. I've gone through worse, trust me." Danny managed a laugh, sounding so damn concerned for me. I was _fine _damn it! I blurted out something I didn't want to blurt out, I didn't want all this fuss about it. "I, I... I like you as a friend. I, I kissed you by accident, I'm sorry." I lied, wincing at the words, hating lying so much. All I wanted to shout out that I loved him so much, but I couldn't, I couldn't put that on Danny's mind. I couldn't make him either pretend to love me too like I knew he would so he didn't break my heart, or make him treat me any differently because I was in love with him. "look at me in the eye and say that." Danny pulled me round to face him again, making it so hard to refuse to look at him.

His hands were so soft and gentle against my skin, not at all forceful, just guiding me. I wanted to lean into his hand so much, but I couldn't, I couldn't give in! "Tom, please, come on, just look me in the eye and tell me the truth, and I'll leave you alone. I promise to leave you alone." Danny made me give in, I looked right at him, right in the eyes, and I tried so, _so _hard to lie, but I couldn't. "I, I really like you. More than a friend. I'm so sorry, you can hate me for it or whatever you want. Just please don't pretend to like me too, I couldn't do that to you, and please don't think I'm pathetic for this, please. I can't, I can't help it. You're so, you're you." I whispered, losing words to say. "I don't think you're pathetic, you can't help who you love. And I'm glad you really like me, cause I feel like that too." Danny pulled my head up, giving me an insanely wide grin.

"I just said you don't have to lie. Please don't lie." I couldn't believe him right now, I was _me, _and he was _Danny, Danny Jones, _he was the most amazing man I'd ever met. He was so talented and nice and kind and so painfully beautiful, he couldn't possibly like me too, because I was _me. _Plain old, _ugly, _boring, _life ruining, fat, weak, pathetic, _me. How could he possibly like something _this?! _"I'm not lying Tom, I really do like you too." Danny told me, _liar, he is so lying right now. _"prove it." I didn't want to be confrontational, I really didn't, but I couldn't just accept this. I was not this lucky, I was never this lucky. Danny could not like me of all people. It just wasn't possible, not even in my wildest dreams could I ask for something like this.

Before I could even think a second more, Danny had leant forward and had pressed our lips together in a gentle kiss, holding onto my chin with just a finger and thumb, tilting my head up slightly. But I couldn't bring myself to kiss back, not this time, not when all of this felt so wrong, but so right at the same time. It was right and wrong, Danny was a great kisser, from what I could tell of my previous experience of three kisses, all of which had happened in the past few minutes. But, I couldn't make him kiss me like this, I simply couldn't. This was forced, he was trying to prove his feelings with a kiss, I didn't have experience with these things, but I was sure they were forced. "Danny, no, stop it. Admit it, you're saying you like me because I like you, so you don't break my heart. Its okay, you can tell me, you can seriously tell me. I'm not going to break up the band or anything over it, I can deal with it." I always had, I'd dealt with rejection and pain so many times before. It would hurt like hell for a few days, but I got over these things, I always did. _You've got razor blades, you'll work through it as you always have. Better get more long sleeved tshirts. _

"Tom, please believe me. I really do like you too." Danny stroked my hair. "I can't. I can't just believe you. I know you, I know you can't stand to hurt anyone, I don't want to force you into something you don't want to do." I whispered, hating myself so much. I wished I could have just been better, in every sense, so Danny could possibly love me, and I wished so much that I hadn't said anything in the first place. None of this would have happened if I hadn't responded to Danny saying he loved me. I was just, I was just so desperate for some affection, some sign of being accepted, after feeling so ugly and disgusting for so long, I was taking anything. And when the words slipped out of Danny's mouth, I responded without thinking.

"Tom please, _please, _just, let me prove it to you. Give me a chance, let me show you how much I like you. I'm begging Tom, I'll do anything." Danny pleaded, he looked so desperate. _He's trying so hard to not hurt your feelings, he's trying rapidly to come up with something to make you believe him. He's too nice to break your heart, so he's trying to make you happy. _"I," I didn't know what to say. _Don't give in, you'll ruin his life. You'll completely ruin his life. _"please Tom, I really like you, I _really _do, and I have done for years, ever since we went to Disneyland for your eighteenth. I fell for you the minute we got outside, I saw how you lit up so much more than usual. You were like a little kid running around there, I'd never seen you look so happy, I thought you looked so cute. I fell for you the minute you shouted out that you wanted to get into Splash Mountain and dragged me with you. I thought you were amazing, and I fell quicker than I've ever fallen for anyone. Please, give me a chance, I want to prove to you that I can love you like I want to so badly. Please give me a chance, I'm begging." Danny squeezed my hands, making me lose all of my senses, I couldn't move, couldn't speak. He looked so desperate, his eyes shining with _love, _he did love me.

_He doesn't you complete moron! This is an act! An __**act, **__its nothing more than an act! Why can't you see that its an act so you don't get your heart broken?! Give into this and you'll ruin Danny's life! You will RUIN his life, do you hear me?! Ruin it! _"I, you... really?" I pushed out words. "yes, Tom, yes, ever since you grabbed my hand and ran with me, I've been head over heels in love with you." Danny nodded, those beautiful brown curls bouncing with him, "do you believe me?" he continued. _Do not say yes, do NOT say yes. _"y-yes. Yeah, I do." I nodded, unable to help it, he looked like he was telling the truth, I knew he was telling the truth as I got pulled into his arms for possibly the best hug of my life, and hopefully the first of many more.


	3. Chapter 3

**partygirlgrace - :D i hope it was good feelings by the end! **

**Chelsea - yeah its a small prequel, telling the story of how Tom and Danny got together, which goes further into it than the flashback in the main fic did!**

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"Tom, we _have _to talk." Danny made me jump suddenly, oh god this wasn't going to be good. _He's giving up on this relationship already, those words always mean 'I'm breaking up with you'. _No, no, not now. We'd only been together for a week, he couldn't already be wanting to break up with me, right? _Its a surprise he's stayed this long, I mean __**look**__ at you, who the hell would want a relationship with you? You're ugly and disgusting, and you ruin peoples lives, you're a terrible person. _"a-about what?" I whispered, turning away from the mirror that I was fixing my hair in to look at my boyfriend... at least I think Danny was my boyfriend, did he count as a boyfriend after a week? I didn't know, I hadn't ever been in this situation before. _Because you're unwanted. _

"about you, in general," Danny started, _told you, he doesn't like you, he's changed his mind, he can't pretend anymore, don't you dare cry over this. _"what about me?" I was scared to ask, scared that this was going the way my head was telling me. "well, you've been... off recently, and I want to talk to you about it." Danny explained, pulling me to sit on the sofa by my hand. _Deny everything, lie, lie, LIE NOW. _"I'm just... I'm just happy because of what you said to me." I whispered, hugging my knees, holding in a wince of pain as my legs stung. _Like it should do. Danny's going to see the scars and the cuts eventually you know. Then he'll dump your sorry ass quicker than you can imagine, then the band will break up because he'll be disgusted by you, then you'll only have a razor blade. _"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the past couple of months, you've not been yourself, you've moved out of the band house, been really down, and I still haven't seen you eat, and I've been with you nearly every day this week." Danny started, _lie, lie, lie, lie! _

"I-I, I have eaten, and I haven't been different." I lied, I knew I had been different, I had been feeling so _down, _like I couldn't even get up in the morning. I didn't want to crawl out of bed, I didn't want to do anything but sleep life away, but when I slept I had nightmares, and no matter what I did, my head was telling me things I didn't want to hear. _Just making sure you know your place, which is in the dirt, six feet under. _"you have Tom, you've not been yourself for a while, and I want to know why." Danny questioned me, he'd tried to talk to me so many times now, but I really didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to talk about any of it, I didn't want to burden him with my problems, didn't want him to know what I'd done, what I was trying to fix so desperately.

"is it because of your parents divorcing?" Danny asked when I didn't answer him, looking so concerned, but I _couldn't, _I just couldn't tell him. _You can't tell him, he'll hate you. _"I don't want to talk about it." I whispered defiantly, not feeling very strong for doing it though. "Tom this is killing you, its eating you up inside, and I want to help you feel better, let me help you feel better." Danny pleaded, "if it is about the divorce, you can talk to me, you know I've been there. Mum and dads divorced got finalised only a few months ago, I know what its like to sit here and be so confused over whats going on, to blame yourself for it all, I _know._" He continued, he had _no idea. _"Danny, I don't want to talk about it okay? I really don't, its nothing, its just a mistake." _And a massive, life wrecking mistake, that tears a family apart. _"whats a mistake Tom? You said that you had to make things right, what were you talking about? Why do you have to look after Carrie now?" Danny questioned, holding onto my hand, trying to make me look at him, but I couldn't, I couldn't look at him anyway, let alone now. _Not when you're talking about what you did, when you look like you do. _

"look at me Tom, why do you have to look after Carrie, just tell me that." Danny begged, he sounded so desperate for me to tell him. "it doesn't matter Danny, I just have to, okay? I have to look after her now." I was so thankful it was only midday and Carrie was at school right now, not wanting her to be here too, ganging up on me. "but _why _Tom? Why aren't your parents looking after her?" Danny made me face him, though I couldn't meet his eye. _Don't look him in the eyes, you'll either tell the truth or he'll see it in your eyes. _"because they're getting divorced." I gave in a little, giving him something, hoping he'd just hug me, tell me it would work out in the end and leave me alone. "I'm sorry to hear that mate," _mate, not love or boyfriend, _"but why does that mean you had to get this house for the two of you? She could have stayed with us while your parents do all the paper work and stuff if you didn't want her hearing the arguments." Danny asked, _no such luck on him leaving it alone, _"neither of them are fighting for custody, are they?" it seemed to fall inside Danny's head.

"dad's left, just up and left, he doesn't want any of us anymore. Mum's in a state, and she currently doesn't want to look after Carrie. So I've got to look after her now, she doesn't have anyone else." I didn't exactly lie, dad didn't want us, that was true. And mum was in a state, _she's in the worse mental state ever, you had to put her into a psychiatric ward to calm her down and its all your fault. _"oh Tom, I'm so sorry to hear that! I'm so sorry, I didn't know that had happened. If I'd known, I'd have helped you both out, somehow, we all would have. How long has this been going on for? Have you been juggling this and the band stuff at the same time?" Danny brought me in for a hug, he was the first person I'd met who actually _cared _about all of this. _No he doesn't, he does not care. And once he finds out the whole story, you'll get dumped and be completely on your own, looking after Carrie by yourself, no money coming in because the band will split, or kick you out, you'll both starve. Maybe you'll finally get skinny. _"its been... its been a few months." I told him. "you should have told us Tom! We could have taken some of the stress away, we could have given you time off to sort stuff out, or let Carrie live with us, we wouldn't have minded! Nobody minded when we had Vicky stay a few times, did we? You didn't have to move out to look after her, we would have made exceptions for you." Danny squeezed me tight, _no they would not have. You are needed to promote the album, to do performances, to keep up appearances. Danny was expected to carry on and he was having panic attacks, you're just a bit down, you'd have had to carry on regardless. _

"can't change it now." I sighed, hating knowing that Danny now knew about part of this. I didn't want anyone knowing because I could handle looking after a fourteen year old and being in a band, I didn't need help, I didn't need sympathy or special treatment. I didn't want anyone worrying about me, or us, I had it covered, I was making do with what we had, no-one needed to know how much I screwed up. I was making up for it now, and I was _fine. _"is this why you're not eating, and why you have been blaming yourself?" Danny asked, damn it I thought he'd forgotten to ask about my starvation! "yeah." I didn't want him to know that I wasn't eating because of a completely different reason. I didn't want him to think I had an eating disorder, like he thought the other day. I just was trying to lose some weight, that was all, I was just trying to lose weight. _So you don't get ridiculed for being fat and disgusting, like you have been for years. They'll still pick holes in your face, no matter how much you lose, you'll still be ugly, and you'll still be a life ruiner. _

"damn it Tom you should have said something! You should have talked to us about this, instead of bottling it up so much you don't eat! Its not healthy to do that, damn it Tom, _talk _to me. I love you so much, I can't stand seeing you like this." Danny kissed my hair. "I thought we said we weren't saying those words until we'd been together for a while?" I reminded him of a previous conversation, I didn't feel comfortable being told that Danny loved me, not right now. We'd been a couple a _week, _he couldn't possibly be in love with me after a week, _especially seeing as you are you. _"sorry, but the situation called for it. I care so much about you Tom, I can't stand seeing you in so much pain, when it can be easily fixed." _It can't be easily fixed, you can't be fixed. If you can't fix your problems, you can't fix yourself. You're never getting rid of your scars, you're never getting rid of your personality, you're never getting rid of your body, and you're never fixing your mistakes, looking after Carrie or not. She'll hate you too when she finds out you caused your parents to split up. You stressed them out too much, you had one job, look after Carrie while your parents worked, and you couldn't even do that, because you wanted to be happy in a band. No amount of money sent home to help support them financially is going to change the fact you broke the family because you wanted to be happy. _I bit back tears as I thought of everything I'd done, practically running away to join a band so I was happy, leaving my parents to support two jobs each and look after Carrie. She had only been a child, she had to be looked after, and that had been my job, and I couldn't do it anymore because I was in a band. Mum had to quit one of her jobs just to look after Carrie, and then they didn't have enough money to live on, even when I sent money home. Dad had a nervous breakdown, and when he came out of the hospital, he said he never wanted to see us again, that he _hated _us, and had left. And it was all my fault, if I hadn't run off to be in a band, none of it would have happened. Absolutely none of it would have happened, I would have been unhappy for the rest of my life, but at least my parents wouldn't have split up, and none of this would have happened. _You'd still be fat though. _But no-one would see me so it wouldn't have mattered as much.

"don't cry Tom, please don't cry. We'll work this out together, okay? We'll find a way to get through this, alright? If you need anything, anything at all, just call me, or Harry and Dougie, we'll get you anything you need." Danny pulled away to look me in the eyes again. "I, I don't want them to know just yet." I didn't even want Danny knowing, I didn't want to be a burden, cause more trouble than I already had. Danny had already dropped out of going on holiday with his mum and his sister to stay with me this week. Harry and Dougie were on holiday right now themselves, they were so happy together, and I was pretty sure Harry was planning on proposing soon, I didn't want to worry either of them with this when they were so in love and happy. _You've broken up one loving relationship already, don't make it a second. _"alright, well can we at least tell them that your parents are divorcing, so they at least know a bit of whats going on with you? And Fletch needs to know, so he knows to give you time off when you need it too." Danny made me shake my head. "Fletch doesn't need to know, I won't need time off. The divorce is being finalised now, its all going to be over soon anyway. Me and Carrie are going to Disneyland next week as it is, I'll be happier after that. Once all the paperwork has gone through and we're in the happiest place on earth, I'll be fine after that." Or I'd at least be getting better at hiding the fact that I was feeling borderline suicidal some days, ready to end everything and leave the world to deal with everything. I'd never actually do it though, I couldn't leave Carrie like that, or Danny, Harry and Dougie. They may not have cared as much as I wished they would, but they were still my friends, and I didn't want to wreck their lives just because I wanted out. _Which is why razors were invented, so you can cut away the misery and the mistakes. _Exactly, though what I was going to do if me and Danny ever got to having sex, I didn't know. _Do you really think that is ever going to happen? You're disgusting. You're not nice to touch with clothes on, let alone when you're naked, all that fat and all those scars on show. _

"alright, well, think about it, okay? Think about telling everyone, so they at least know why you've moved out and stuff. No-ones going to be angry at you for trying to look after Carrie, so don't worry about that. And I hope you do find a bit of happiness in Disneyland, I know how happy you were when we went, I hope you feel better there this time." Danny kissed my forehead, and if I was perfectly honest, I felt better right now. I'd let out at least a bit of what I was feeling, and what had been going on, without revealing all the horrid details. And it felt good, like a bit of weight was lifted from my shoulders, though I still felt like the worst possible son in the world, I felt a tiny bit better.

And it only improved while on holiday with Carrie, seeing her smile so brightly again, after not looking like that in so long because of what had been going on. And her smile brightened my day, every day. The whole time we were away I felt so much better, I could feel the weight lifting from my shoulders, I felt like I could eat more than a muffin a day, like I could sleep. I could write songs again. I felt so much better, and when I came home, I still felt so much better. I came home, to _my home, _to find my boyfriend, who greeted me with love and affection, who _cared about me, _and never stopped caring for me. He drove me up the wall constantly bugging me about eating at meal times until I gave in and ate, or guilt tripped me into it by cooking for me, but I still felt happier doing it. I lost a bit of weight, because I was eating healthier, the voice inside my head stopped talking as often, and I stopped feeling the need to rip myself to shreds. I was floating higher than I ever had, and felt so much better than I had done before I went away, I had never felt this happy before in my life. And it was thanks to Danny, for caring about me enough to listen to me, though he didn't find out the full story to the divorce until years later, he supported me as well as he could, and as did everyone else. I'd never been happier because of it, and I never wanted that happiness to end.


End file.
